What Not to Eat

I alluded to it last summer, but I’m making it public: I’ve lost a few pounds. And this time it’s been…interesting.

I say “this time” since this is not the first time I’ve lost weight. In fact, this makes the fourth time in my life I’ve lost a significant amount of body fat, but this time I’ve noticed something unusual:

I’ve become an accidental hottie.

Not just your run-of-the-mill, post-“I Did It Again”, pre-Federline hottie, but a niche hottie, one that appeals to two age groups of the male persuasion: the under-eleven and over-seventy.

Now the under-eleven crowd is kinda cute, but the over-seventy? Creepy. Thankfully there’s only two so far: the Russian ex-academic who keeps asking me for a kiss and the Vietnamese tailor who pats me on the behind after he measures me for a pants hem, though to be honest, the pat is more of what one would give a recalcitrant milking cow than a prospective (and only-in-your-dreams) hook up.

What’s also freaking me out is that I’m having problems finding clothes that fit, which leaves me with two options: shopping online or…shopping at the store that dare not speak its name (at least in my house), Abercrombie & Fitch. Somehow I don’t relish wearing pants with a sexually-suggestive adjective stitched across my rear end….

What I’m Listening To: Orphans by Tom Waits.

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