Running Through My Head*

….some random thoughts:

Automobiles:

• Spoilers on cars are the automotive equivalent of the ankle bracelet.
• Jacked-up trucks: let’s just say the bigger (and higher) the truck, the smaller and squeakier the guy. If they keep it up, them boys are gonna have to start wearin’ big, white, four-fingered gloves.
• The more tattered American flags/stickers on a car, the more bone-headed stunts they will pull right in front of you.
• The Chrysler PT Cruiser: the grandma car of the new millennium.
• The louder and more thug-like the hip-hop music is coming down the street, the more likely it’s coming from a very white high-school kid wearing a backwards baseball cap driving a brand-new Jetta.
• The Mini Cooper: replacing the Mazda Miata as the balding, mid-life crisis car
• The more paper/magazines/video tapes in the car, the higher the probability it’s owned by a librarian. Cat carrier included? Cataloger. Multiple cat carriers? Serials cataloger. Hungry students squeezed between the piles on the backseat rummaging for day-old pizza? Head of Circulation.

Reference Desk:

• If someone asks you for the name and address of a company CEO, that person thinks that company is conspiring to kill them.
• The craziest questions are always asked by the nicest-dressed people.
• The longer the story before the question, the more certain the question will be “where’s the bathroom?”
• There is no such thing as an inverse snore/smell ratio when it comes to homeless patrons.
• Lost items that brand new are never reclaimed. The rattiest, skankiest items, however, are always missed.
• The lower the waistline on the low-rise jeans, the longer the cell phone conversation at the ref desk.
• There is no such thing as an inverse snore/smell ratio when it comes to undergrad students camped out in your library.

Plain Ol’ Miscellaneous:

• No one under 25 has what used to be considered a normal name (i.e, Mary, Elizabeth, Joe, etc.,). Now everyone is an Ashleigh, Zoe, Tyler, Cloe, Zachary….you get the idea. (Corollary: if someone does have a normal name, it’s usually spelled in a way I like to call unique–e.g., Amy spelled “Aimeee” or Carol as “Querole”. Rent LA Story for inevitable and sad outcome of this trend.
  
• Ever notice how you misread certain words in a newspaper? For instance, who among our profession hasn’t misread the headline: “Liberians Overrun Capitol” as “Librarians Overrun Capitol”? And don’t get me started with any headline containing the word “penal”….

  BB (Bizarre Beauty) Tip of the Day: This tip comes from a Mrs. Jane A. Emmith, whereabouts unknown:

  Using the orange powdery material from ancient books bound with sheep leather to bronze your skin and give it that “I can afford a trip to the Bahama’s on my librarian salary” look.

  * To borrow from a cheesy yet inescapable song refrain….