Living with an Evil White Boy

It’s fall: the frost is on the pumpkin, an underage, overexposed celeb enters rehab, and my husband continues to exude evilness.

I try to be patient, to understand the fact this is a condition beyond his control. Looking at the DSM-IV, it appears that he meets four of the five criteria for being a buzz kill. But despite his so-called powerlessness in fighting this condition, there’s no disputing the fact that he’s evil.

Still not convinced? What would you call someone who says things like

“Don’t squirt lighter fluid on those hot coals.”

“I think the bride and groom are the ones who’re supposed to cut the cake first.”

“Go ahead and try putting a bandana on that raccoon, but don’t be surprised if you wind up in the emergency room. Again.”

“I don’t think the ability to shove an entire plate of deep-fried calamari into your mouth really proves anything.” and

“Even Kanye would get a little tired of listening to “Stronger” 150 times in a row.” (pause) “Aren’t you out of hot water by now?”

But the yellow cake of his diabolical nature?

The Scene: two nights ago, bedtime at our house
Me: wearing pigtails and coming to bed (it’s a long story…)
Husband: reading in said bed
Me: “Do I look like a demented Pippi Longstocking?”
Husband: (long pause) “Yes.” (looks back at book)

Pray for me.

What I’m Listening To Dept: Gym Class HeroesClothes Off. Can’t resist a group who samples Supertramp and Jermaine Stewart….

One Response

  1. Joey
    Joey October 19, 2007 at 3:39 am | | Reply

    That’s it – lock him up!

    (Loving this site, by the way.)

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