It’s Official: Knowledge is Terrorism

FYI: According to, The FBI is warning law enforcement nationwide to be on the lookout for people carrying almanacs. Apparently these tools of terrorism may contain statistics and city profiles that may be used to hatch insidious schemes against the Homeland. In a bulletin sent to police organizations nationwide, they note

The practice of researching potential targets is consistent with known methods of al-Qaida and other terrorist organizations that seek to maximize the likelihood of operational success through careful planning….

The FBI did state, however, that the use of an almanac or map may be innocent, “the product of legitimate recreational or commercial activities”, but could indicate possible terrorist activity if a person is combining the use of these tools with what they consider as “suspicious behavior”.

When queried, the folks at the Old Farmer’s Almanac felt terrorists would not find much help from their collection of weather aphorisms and descriptions of supposedly innocent undertakings such as hypnotizing chickens. However I believe there’s no stopping the carnage once al-Qaida successfully implements its program of predicting U.S. weather by reading pig’s spleens.

What I want to know is: Despite OFA’s FAQ, is the hole in the upper left-hand side of the book actually a message to terrorists instructing them to read the book every time they go to the john?

One Response

  1. Sulkbrarian
    Sulkbrarian January 3, 2004 at 1:28 am | | Reply

    they’re a crack team, those feds, ain’t they? (slyly hiding all my gardening books; what’s next?)

    man. if i were a drinkin’ woman…

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