I’m at that age when a woman’s fancy turns to thoughts of hormone replacement therapy. Particularly when she’s experiencing hot flashes rivaling heat from the ninth circle of hell, or at least the middle rack of a Quizno’s toaster oven. That, the migraines, and the discomfort have all taught me one blinding truth: there ain’t no way a real man could ever deal with this crap.
The part I wasn’t expecting?
Scary girly. Bonnie-Bell Lip Smacker girly. For the past three months I’ve been doing stuff I haven’t done since the Ford Administration: trolling drugstore make-up aisles (no Dr. Scholl’s sandals to be found there these days, alas) and stuffing my face with McDonald’s Fish Fillet sandwiches and Paydays, not to mention the fact I find myself inexplicably drawn to clothes with….ruffles…*shudder*…. But the worst part? The bizarre crushes I seem to form every time I flip on some sort of media. Right now the front runners are Martin Fry (I’m still not over that Bands Reunited episode) and James Spader (especially his Pretty In Pink days). I’m big on blonde and haughty–in other words, I’m wallowing in my own little version of jungle fever.
My husband has been very understanding through all of this, though past crushes on long-dead actors such as Joseph Cotten and Tom Drake creeps him out a teeny bit. He has, however, lovingly assured me that he would shoot me if I develop longings for Billy Bob Thornton.
Now how can you not love a guy like that?
A Grave Trifecta: Peace out to Janet Leigh, Russ Meyer and Rodney Dangerfield. The world is a sadder place now that one of the great minds behind Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is gone. As for Dangerfield: my oddest concert experience was a double bill featuring Rodney and Tony Clifton (aka “Andy Kaufman“) in San Francisco: this was the first (and last) venue where a metal link fence was lowered in front of the stage before the show started. I had no idea why until Tony/Andy walked onstage. To this day, I’m mystified how sooo many people managed to smuggle in sooo many champagne bottles….