Is My Life Still That Interesting? — The Series!

Want more of my so-called life? Here goes:

  • 2:30: Jude called me on my Motorola Bluetooth. Seems that Jered Hess has been tapped to film the life of Casanova for Fox Searchlight and he needs to learn how to catalog erotically on-camera. I tell him that if he is able to keep his undies on during filming, he should be just fine. Jude responds by whimpering over Sienna’s nasty comments to The Sun about his collection of Red Rose Tea figurines.
  • 3:00: Late for Paris‘ latest appearance: a 7-11 opening in the Hamptons. Sergei chauffeurs me in the Hummer Limo, staring at me the whole time in the rear-view mirror and making slicing gestures under his chin. That Sergei–always on the lookout for my potential plastic surgery needs….
  • Jean-Paul shows up at my doorstep tugging an army of pugs and a sniffling lad in a French sailor’s costume in his wake. He wants me to design a line of eyeglass chains for his Fall 2006 collection, or as he describes it, a “Marian-the-Librarian-on-Crack” look. I envision lots and lots of smudged black eyeliner and artfully ripped cardigans, but am shaken from my reverie by the lad’s delicate (and incessant) nose-blowing. While shoving a box of tissues at his friend and Jean-Paul out the door, I sadly realize the world isn’t quite ready for my vision.
  • 7:30: Find Sergei passed out on my vintage Billy Haines sofa clutching an empty Cristal bottle in one hand and a crumpled copy of Walt Crawford’s Cites & Insights article mentioning my blog. Seems the poor dear never got over Walt calling me an “essayist”….

Not Nancy Pearl Dept: I’m truly sorry to say that I didn’t reach the $200 mark in donations from my cafepress.com store, which means I get to deny the world pixs of me in full NP drag. However, I will go ahead and donate the proceeds I made to the Red Cross. Thanks to all those folks who shopped for a good cause!

What I’m Listening To (over and over again): With Teeth by Nine Inch Nails. My husband is very, very afraid of me right now….