For Mature Librarians Only

Attention Mature Librarians!   If you’re over 55 and able to straighten your crabbed fingers, please fill out our survey.  It should take no longer than ten minutes, not including the times you nod off during the session:


1. How long have you worked as a librarian?

    • Since the Beatles broke up.
    • Not sure, but still waiting for the doughboys to come back from the front.
    • Let’s see; does Paleolithic come before Neolithic?
    • Pick a  date that sounds old-timey and has bustles. 

2. In what type of library do you work currently?

    • Public library
    • Academic library
    • Special library
    • One where they don’t mind me snoring at the reference desk.

3. What is your current job title?

    • “Hey You, Old Lady!”
    • “She Who Must Retire”
    • “Mistress of the Ancient Arts”
    • Not sure, since whenever I walk by, I hear sighing.

4. What post-millennial phrase or word makes your head explode with incomprehension?

    • “Awesomesauce”
    • “Douchebaggery”
    • “Totes awesome”
    • “Make it Happen”

5. What technological challenges have you faced over the past few years? Please check all that apply:

    • Bring back the stylus!
    • Synthetic fibers
    • Struggling to keep Nellie from getting spooked by them new-fangled motor carriages while out for our books-by-buggy program.
    • The glowing box on my desk that keeps telling me to “Press CONTROL-ALT-DELETE to log on”—

6. What are some of the ways you cope with the challenges that you face as a mature librarian?

    • Wear cardigans non-ironically.
    • Take slugs of red library ink when no one’s looking
    • Steal all the vegan, gluten-free scones baked by our latest Mover & Shaker and feed them to my ever-growing cat army.
    • Sacrifice a shelver in the hopes it appeases the Web 2.0 gods.

7. Should mature librarians consider retiring, so that younger librarians might take their place?

    • Oh hellz to the no!
    • What’s that? I can’t hear you—
    • Whatever, dude–
    • Okay; who took my Maalox??

8. Regarding technological and other changes in your library, what is your view?

    • I’m not comfortable with the fact that we no longer carry papyrus.
    • Spanxs still not advanced enough for my needs.
    • Continuing to encounter resistance in convincing library administration to accept “moxie” as an acceptable assessment criterion.
    • What happened to buying pantyhose in those plastic eggs?  My Easter crafts are now kaput—

Please select the comment that encapsulates your feelings about your age:

    • “I saw Jimi at Woodstock, man!”
    • “A hoy-hoy!”
    • “Jeepers, Mr. Potter!”
    • “Make it Happen”

7 Responses

  1. Stephanie Hardy
    Stephanie Hardy February 13, 2014 at 9:05 pm | | Reply

    This is the best rebuttal to the “mature librarian” survey imaginable! I love your sense of humor! I can’t wait to wake up from my nap and share it with my cats. After I adjust my bun and find my spectacles, of course.

  2. j.s.hill
    j.s.hill February 13, 2014 at 11:33 pm | | Reply

    way to insult all kinds of people with a total lack of funny! nice going! a complete success! (by the way ….. all kinds of folks are mature at 25 and ossified at 30. age is not a reliable predictor)

  3. jessamyn
    jessamyn February 14, 2014 at 12:11 am | | Reply

    They still make Maalox?!

    Love this, thank you.

  4. Dirk
    Dirk February 14, 2014 at 1:55 am | | Reply

    I like that this is online so they’ll be too frightened to ever find it.

  5. Douglas Mason
    Douglas Mason February 14, 2014 at 7:09 am | | Reply

    You are simply the BEST!! My knuckles hurt.

  6. AK
    AK February 14, 2014 at 1:18 pm | | Reply

    This is so funny I wet my…wait. That did NOT happen.

  7. Isabelle
    Isabelle February 14, 2014 at 5:40 pm | | Reply

    The generation gap re. American culture is defined by…”before the Beatles” and “after the Beatles.”

    Paul McCartney will always be the cute one. How many of you can still sing all the lyrics to “I Want to Hold Your Hand….”?

    Baby boomers rock! I plan to continue working full-time until I’m 77 yrs old! Just 15 more years. Ha! ha!

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