Don’t Cha Wish U Were The LL?

She’s back! After an extended hiatus at Betty Ford, Promises, Hazelden and a particularly revealing three-day OCLC workshop, the LL is back with another installment of A Day in the Life of the Lipstick Librarian:

  • 9:00am: Mel calls in the middle of my hot-stone massage and book-repair seminar seeking advice on how to handle his latest PR disaster. I remind him of the fact this sort of behavior has been seen from him before, most notably his two-hour tirade about serials catalogers at my last dinner party. He tearfully apologizes over my Treo and pledges to attend the next prefconference on name and title authority without complaint. The healing begins.
  • 12:30pm: Daphne, my latest personal assistant, interrupts my chakra reading/MARC subfield divination to deliver mojito cupcakes personally baked by Tony. He’s desperate for me to travel with him to the Bodleian to unearth naughty pastry recipes from the eighteenth century. I tell Daphne to dump the cupcakes in the trash, which makes her whimper. Silly me–I forgot that’s she’s in day four of the Master Cleanse Diet.
  • 2:00pm: The doorbell rings. After screaming for Daphne for ten minutes, I answer the door myself and am shocked to discover a haggard looking Angelina and Shiloh. It seems Shiloh won’t stop crying despite repeated readings of Goodnight Moon illustrated by Cindy Sherman with pop-ups by Frank Gehry, designed just for the blotchy little dear. I soothe Shiloh with a quick facial moisturizing session (it’s never too early to start). Angelina takes a little longer to soothe since it took Daphne quite some time to dig her press releases out from under the cupcakes.
  • 5:30pm: Now it’s Busta on my doorstep–or, more accurately, on my doorstep barely visible behind a platoon of bodyguards wearing more bling than Paris Hilton at a brazilian waxing salon opening in Los Feliz. Busta wants to do a remake of The Desk Set with him playing the Spencer Tracy role and wants me to consult. I don’t have the heart to tell him the addition of the scene of him flinging himself out the ninety-story window clutching four diamond encrusted laptops about to explode has nothing to do with reference interviewing techniques, much less the plot. After sizing up his protection posse, I decide it’s best that Daphne delivers the news.

More LL diary entries to come…..

What I’m Listening To: When You Were Young by The Killers. So I’m a sucker for songs with anthemic power-chords….