Death March With Trade Paperbacks*

On the eve of ALA in DC, Mme.Karen Schneider and Stephen “Always on the Lookout” Abram have posted their survival guides on getting through the upcoming gauntlet. As veterans of ALAs past, both of them have pretty much cover the bases.

But not all.

So without delay (or clue), here are my humble submissions as to What Not To Do at ALA10:

  • Cramming the vendor business card fishbowls with actual goldfish makes it difficult for them to find you after you’ve won the iPad drawing.
  • Layering clothing with sweaters and jackets is an excellent idea. Layering with blankets stolen from your hotel roommate’s bed? Not so excellent.
  • While making a necklace of origami cranes from conference evaluation forms is impressive, it’s also distracting. Particularly if you’re snatching forms from other attendees during the session Q & A.
  • Spelling out your name in rhinestones on a platinum mouth grill is not an acceptable substitute for a name badge
  • Resist the urge to stage hand sanitizer fights in the exhibit area targeting PLA members. They work with children, hence their take-no-prisoners aim when it comes to bacteria.
  • Using those teeny spiral hoses for watering plants to squirt water into your mouth between sessions may bring about undue attention.
  • Making advance appointments with vendors to discuss approval plans is being smart. Making advance appointments so you’ll have a captive audience for the world premiere of your performance art involving sock puppets and tea bag wrappers gleaned from an Ebsco breakfast is just being crazy.
  • Thinking of flash mobbing an executive session with a Lady Gaga medley? Remember: conference ribbons make excellent pasties.
  • Staring at your iPhone while attending a unit open house makes you rude. Staring at a brick during an open house makes you a cataloger.
  • And finally:leaving a tip for hotel housekeeping makes for a welcoming environment for the next library conference. Leaving a tip consisting of a coffee coaster lovingly crocheted with dental floss and twigs means no chocolates on the pillow for future ALA attendees….

Have fun everyone–

* With a tip of the glasses to Tim Goodman and The Bastard Machine.