Christmastime in LibraryLand

I love Christmas. I really do. I love the trees, the decorations, the sights and the smells. I even love Fran Drescher channeling Snoop Dog in her efforts to hawk polar fleece for Old Navy. Yes, it is the most wonderful time of the year, but doesn’t it seem that the Christmas spirit flags a bit at your workplace? The forced smile when someone chokes down the umpteenth Russian Tea cake with pink punch? Or the hair rising on the back of your neck when a co-worker you barely know ambushes you with an unexpected Christmas gift? Sometimes the Christmas cheer at your library ain’t what it used to be. But don’t despair: as a public service, I humbly submit a few tips
to perk up that sagging holiday morale….

  • Play The Chipmunks Christmas Song at 5 rpm over and over. Tell the teens you’re playing the Goth version.
  • Trap stray cats from the neighborhood. Dress them up for an outdoor nativity scene at your library. Count the milliseconds it takes for the Baby Jesus to escape despite being wrapped in swaddling.
  • Recite ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas in Pig Latin at the staff Christmas party. Have a few drinks first.
  • Create a festive Christmas sweater by sucking on ribbon candy and sticking the pieces on a red furry sweater. (Hint: that dusty Christmas candy you swiped from a forgetful elderly relative last year works especially well.)
  • Take a big swig of egg nog straight out of the carton every time someone asks you a question at the reference desk. Do not wipe off the egg nog moustache after each encounter.
  • Dress up sleeping homeless men as elves. Sprinkle recycled white paper and vendor presents around them. Place a sign that says “SHH! Santa’s elves are taking a break!”
  • During storytime, have your hypochondriac of a co-worker describe just exactly what would happen if grandma were run over by a reindeer. Have plenty of Kleenex handy.
  • Before you begin a reference interview, ask the patron “have you been naughty or nice??”

And some very merry tips for cataloging librarians….

  • Replace all the entries in the continued by fields in your OPAC serial records with the phrase “Who cares? It’s Christmas!” Alternately, replace the names in the author fields with the various euphanisms for Santa Claus.
  • Swap all LC subject heading links with items from your Amazon Wish List.

More later this week….

2 Responses

  1. gl.
    gl. December 17, 2003 at 2:57 pm | | Reply

    i prefer to swap out the traditional holiday music with the more subversive “a very scary solstice” cd, with such hits as “it’s the most horrible time of the year,” and “tentacles” sung to the tune of jingle bells. then i wait for someone to notice. moo ha ha ha ha!

  2. Sulkbrarian
    Sulkbrarian December 26, 2003 at 10:57 pm | | Reply

    tentacles, tentacles, slipping o’er my face…

    yep, nothin’ more festive than that!! ­čśÇ hee!

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