The Days & Nights of the Lipstick Librarian!: What Not to Act

January 25, 2004

What Not to Act

Well, I've just returned from the SLA Leadership Summit and I only have this to say:

People--we have got to learn how to do the conversation thing.

I mean, really--are we that incapable of making small talk that doesn't involve the L word? For the past three days, I don't think I had a single conversation that didn't center around what we do. I know it's a librarian conference and all, but heaven help us, I'm sure even nuns get tired of talking about their work, no pun intended.

So I have some suggestions. With extensive practice, I'm sure even the most introverted of us would put Mike Douglas in his hey-day to shame.

Do Not:

Use any variation of "librarian", even if you're explaining why you don't look like the stereotype. If I look like the stereotype, chances are you do too. So there.

Drop the names of any vendor, no matter how oblique the connection. ("Boy, those folks at New Balance sure are something, aren't they?")

Employ such hoary words or phrases such as "service-oriented", "consortium", "OPAC upgrade" or "homeless problem". If you can't resist the urge, try waiting until after dessert is served during the vendor-sponsored lunch.

On a related note, do not utter the phrase "are you going to finish that?" at any function involving food.

Stare at a fellow attendee's name tag if it's hanging from a lanyard at chest level. This goes for men and women alike.

Try to dance. Ever.

Try beginning conversations with the following icebreakers:

"What up with Bennifer these days?

"I hear that Orlando Bloom is one serious hottie." (Note to the male presidential candidate of a certain professional organization: this will sew up the election for you. Trust me.)

"So do you think the failure of the Mars rover is the work of aliens?"

"Just how many states did Howard Dean list in his rant?"

"Captain Kangaroo was still alive?"

So how do you pronounce the name of your county again?"

"What up with Nicole's forehead in Cold Mountain?"

And don't forget to thank me when you're the life of a vendor-sponsored party at ALA this year. Just don't try busting a move.

Posted by absherl at January 25, 2004 10:30 PM | TrackBack

Comments

No, the Howard Dean one sounds too much like a reference question. Maybe start a conversation about which MP3 tune based on Dean "yeaghh!" samples is best, instead?

Posted by: Brian at January 26, 2004 5:21 PM

I was at a function recently chatting to my husband's boss about Russia of all things, and one of his staff members comes up and asks, 'so who do you think should win Australian Idol?' I thought it was funny.

Talking only about L stuff is so true, and it gets boring way fast.

Posted by: Fiona at January 27, 2004 5:33 PM

Personally, I am shocked at the insolationist tendencies exhibited by many of my co-workers. The general level of knowledge of other cultures and world history is much lower than I would have anticipated. I am aware of the need to concern oneself with problems of the here and now, but it still makes me wince when I have to explain, for example, WHERE Lithuania is, or what is the significance of the battle of Mons Grapus.

Not enough DEPTH of knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Posted by: Ross at February 3, 2004 8:23 AM

oh my god! i attended my first national conference this year and was shocked when the librarians started dancing. not a single one of them had rhythm. my friends and i at the under-35 cool table tried our best to ignore them, but a friend just had to get a picture of the teen librarian from her system that constantly boasts about what a cool teen librarian he is. he was the worst one up there!

Posted by: donna at April 1, 2004 2:33 PM

i love him but we need picters

Posted by: ashley at July 1, 2004 3:03 AM

keep me posting the details

Posted by: ganesan at July 18, 2004 7:49 AM

The link "SLA Leadership Summit" seems to have been changed. Maybe this is the one you want to use:
http://www.sla.org/content/resources/leadcenter/2004LeadershipSummit/04leadsummit/LDI_Notes.cfm

/cheers

Posted by: daniel ceder at August 31, 2004 3:07 AM

Trouble is, if you get together with other school librarians, we spend our time vying for 'worst johnny put-downs' trophies! Our best friends are the Year 11 girls and our worst enemies are Year 8. Its us against them! As one man bands, we can't help it! Put us in a room with other adults and we don't know what else to say other than 'library work sucks/is great/certainly has its surprises!'. I mean we do all the gossip and intellectual stuff with the Year 11s!

Posted by: The Unicorn Lady at September 21, 2004 3:43 AM