What makes a Lipstick Librarian? Money? Fame? Beauty? A mastery of AACR2 and reference interview techniques? No! It’s the ability to look fabulous while poking around a dot-matrix printer with a bent paper-clip. It’s not easy, but here’s a list ‘o tips that will help even the dowdiest of librarians come off with enough sass and attitude that would make Linda Evangelista storm off in a hissy fit:
(Note: these hints are not to be taken seriously. Following some of these tips could be dangerous, or at the very least scare the bejeezus out of pets, family and unsuspecting patrons.)
- Love those new pastel, retro eyeshadows but can’t afford the new millennium price tag? Mix ‘n match using a rainbow assortment of highlighters! They come in those dazzling ’60s shades! (WARNING: some colors can stain permanently.)
- No time for a tan? Lean your face within three inches of a computer monitor for at least 30 minutes for that quick, back-from-Brasilia glow! (Also great for warming up leftovers!)
- Get rid of that nasty shiny-nose problem using books that haven’t been checked out since the Nixon Administration. Simply flip the pages back and forth in front of your face for that sophisticated (though gray) matte finish. (Not to be attempted to those with asthma or dust allergies.)
- Tired of answering those routine reference questions like “where’s the bathroom?” Writing those answers on old conference badges then pinning them on strategic parts of your body saves hours of effort and frustration.
- Tattooing all your round-table and association acronyms on your body is not only one of the hottest library fashion trends, it’s also handy when you need to list your memberships on those pesky conference or grant applications.
- Forgot to put on mascara this morning? Paint small Post-It notes black, cut into fringes and stick onto eyelids for that Liza Minelli/Cabaret look!
- Plastic bands that wrap around xerox-paper cartons make nifty conference badge or eyeglass frame holders.
- Feeling a little peaked in the afternoons? Give yourself a refreshing blast from one of those pressurized air cans used for dusting computer keyboards. (WARNING: do not confuse with WD-40 or clown air-horns.)
- Make a sleek (albeit weighty) carrying case with matching jewelry from all those demo computer disks and CD-ROMs from vendors. String together with magnetic strips and velo binding.
- Wadding the perforated-hole strips from the sides of computer print-out paper makes for an excellent exfoliating body scrubber.
- Catalogers’ Secret: Cornhusk lotion makes an fast-acting facial mask as well as a wallpaper stripper and thickening agent for soups and stews.
- Want to perk up storytime when telling The Hobbit? Make chain-mail clothing out of paper-clips!
- Snag those padded envelopes from ILL–the rag-paper/lint stuffing makes a wonderful mud-pack!